lately.

Thank you for all of your kind comments about my last post and my desire to share bits and pieces of our adoption story here on the blog.  Our time in Uganda will forever hold a special place in my heart (for so many reasons), and I hope to be able to capture some of that here.

In the meantime... this is what we've been up to lately...

...hanging out with Aunt Nenna...

 ...swapping clothes...

...making fashion statements...

...taking sister selfies...

 ...brushing our teeth (aka eating toothpaste)...

 ...catching up over sushi...

 ...wearing our eggs instead of eating them...

...writing some very belated thank yous...

...taking Sunday strolls...

 ...then taking Sunday naps...

 ...living out of boxes (more on this soon!)...

...trying new gelato flavors...

What about you?  What have you been up to lately?

love at first sight {uganda, part 1}

In an effort to share some of our adoption story here, I've decided to write a handful of posts dedicated to our time in Uganda and our first few weeks with Zara.  These are stories that have been etched so deeply into my heart and I look forward to the day that I can recount them with Zara.  There is no possible way to fully capture the whirlwind of emotion and the depth of love that we experienced during our time in Uganda, but I'm going to give it the ol' college try...
---------------

     Wednesday October 30, 2013

I will never forget my first car ride to Aggies Baby Home.  I could hear my heart pounding.  I nervously tapped my foot in the backseat of the van.  Lance and our driver, Patrick, were talking about something in the front seat, but for the life of me, I couldn't tell you about what.  We were going to meet our daughter today.  Our sweet baby girl.

It was really happening.  Finally.

The car ride took about 45 minutes, but felt more like hours.  I remember pulling into the orphanage... Lance reached back to squeeze my ankle in the backseat.  We were immediately greeted by one of the orphanage caregivers and 2 children.  Lance was showing Patrick how to work the video on his phone, when all of a sudden, there she was.

I immediately forgot about the video instructions and reached for Lance's hand as I took her in.  There was our sweet baby girl.  She hugged the wall as she wobbled down the hallway.  She had that same serious, wise expression in her eyes that was so familiar from all of her photos.  She was dressed in a little black, white, and orange jumper that was faded and too big for her tiny frame.  She was so much smaller than I expected her to be... a baby... my baby.

The caregiver scooped her up and handed her to me... she didn't flinch.  As my eyes welled up with tears, she simply studied me... she kept that serious expression and just took me in.  One of the caregivers wanted to give us a tour of the house, but I couldn't move.  I wanted to freeze time.  I wanted to memorize everything about this moment.

We had brought a little binkie stuffed animal to give her... we actually brought two.  We were told to have something we could give her in those first moments that we met her... but we were also told to have something we could leave with her when we left... something she could cling to when we would go back to the states before bringing her home.  That was no longer an option.  The moment we laid eyes on her, we knew that we could not leave Uganda without her.

We eventually took our tour of the orphanage... but I was in my own world... memorizing every feature of my daughter's face, taking in her smell, feeling her soft tiny curls on my cheek, holding her small hands in mine.  Lance took her hand and gently placed it on his beard... she didn't pull away... she studied it... studied him with her little fingers.  I held her practically the entire time we were there.  I couldn't bear to put her down.

I remember watching her in awe as she sat on the floor and drank an entire cup of milk in one sitting, never once letting the cup leave her lips.  She cried when it was gone... then stopped when I picked her up.  It was as if she knew already.  As if she knew how much I loved her... how much my heart ached for her... how much my arms longed to hold her.

That car ride back to the hotel was so different than the car ride there... instead of tapping my foot, I was rubbing her back... instead of hearing my own heart pounding, I only heard the soft, steady breathing of my baby girl... instead of anxiousness, I felt peace.  True peace.  The kind of peace that comes from that beautiful moment when you get a glimpse into His plan...

...and you finally see that it was absolutely perfect all along.

Oh yeah... I have a blog.

Why hello there.  

It's been a while... months actually.  But you see, recently life has shifted a bit... things look a little different around here.  Instead of blogging I've been...

 

...traveling to distant lands...

 

...singing lullabys...

 

...caressing soft cheeks...

 

...picking up toys...

 

...changing (and wearing) poopy diapers...

 

...playing dress up...

 

...eating snow...

 

...playing with Little Cat...

...celebrating birthdays...

 

...savoring every.single.second...

 

Time isn't as abundant as it used to be... sleep no longer comes freely... and it's impossible to pull out the laptop without tiny hands begging to jab at the keyboard. 

 

But I wouldn't trade it for the world. 

 

While yes, life looks entirely differently around here, I still hope to carve out a little smidgen of time to visit this space every so often.  Blogging has always been a joy for me... a way to capture special moments and memories... an idea book of creative thoughts... a place for raw, challenging vulnerability... and a capsule of real-life stories. 

 

And man, oh man, do I have stories.  Stories that I desperately hope to start sharing in the coming weeks.  And yes... most of them invlove a ridiculously adorable little girl named Zara:)

 

Stay tuned...

happy. happy.

Happiest of birthdays to our little princess.  You have forever changed our lives and will forever hold our hearts.  So incredibly thankful to be celebrating WITH you this year.

Love,

Mommy & Daddy

dear baby girl {letters from the heart}

Dear Baby Girl,

The past few weeks have been full of updates and changes.  Your daddy and I found out out that you are now living in a small baby home with about 10 other children.  This is a big change from your previous surroundings, but from the updates we've received it sounds like you are slowly adjusting to your new environment.

Knowing that you would soon be moving to a new facility has been so, so hard on your mama.  I desperately want you to be home.  But receiving a small update from the orphanage director helped me breathe a little easier...

"Gift is 8kg, and generally her health is good.  She is a nice girl who wants to be loved all the time.  She wants to always be around people.  She enjoys all the food we give her and also she likes playing with the toys so much.  She is used to the surroundings now, because the first two days she was not used to the people around her and cried some.  We are happy that she is now smiling."

Oh, sweet girl!!!  So many amazing things in that one short little update!  For starters... you're a tiny little tot (about 18 lbs)!  But you look incredibly healthy with cheeks that I can't wait to get my hands on:)  It warms my heart that you seem to be forming attachments and bonds, even amidst all the transition.  This is a big deal.  Man, how I long to see that little smile for myself soon.

We also got a new picture this week... our third one in total.  I smile every time I look at it (which is like a hundred times a day)... you are on a little tricycle... in what looks to be some kind of frilly red and green Christmas dress.  You have the deepest, most beautiful eyes... wise eyes.  I love them.  Your cheeks are ridiculously kissable and your mama can't wait to kiss every square inch of them.

Soon, baby girl... soon.

Love,

mama

sisterly love.

This girl.

My sister.  Aka... confidant... fashion consultant... super hero... my best friend.  

It's her birthday today...  I remember the day she was born... I was in kindergarden and got to leave school because "my baby sister" was finally here.  I remember going to the hospital and sitting in a big vinyl chair and getting to hold my little sister for the first time.  Who knew that twenty-seven years ago I'd meet my best friend:)

Happy birthday Jenna-benna!!  I love you!!

dear baby girl {letters from the heart}

Dear Baby Girl,

We're getting closer!  Rumor is we could be making our first trip to Uganda as early as October!!!  That's so close!  We are still waiting to receive our confirmed court date, but we are desperately praying that the October timeframe is true.  The waiting is definitely getting harder and harder.  We are so ready to see your sweet face.

Your tiny little self has undergone quite a few transitions over the past several months.  You've changed caregivers 3 times now... Knowing this absolutely kills me.  It's not that I don't believe you are being cared for well... From what I can tell, you are very loved by everyone that meets you.  It's just that I desperately want to be on a plane with you on my lap bringing you home.  I want to be your caregiver.  Me.  Your mama.

Then I'm reminded that you've already had the best Caregiver imaginable.  The One that never leaves you.  The One that never leaves me.  And that is a good reminder baby girl.

Your daddy and I will be there soon... promise.

Love,

mama

he & she {adoption edition}

he is putting together the crib and dresser for baby girl's room.

she is picking out paint colors and fabric swatches for baby girl's room.

they are anxious to actually have baby girl in baby girl's room:)

he is preparing to be out-numbered in his own house.

she is buying shoes in 2 different sizes now:)

he is updating and managing the coffee fundraising.

she is creating and posting jewelry for the Etsy fundraising.

they continue to be amazed by the generous love and support that has come in from family and friends.

he knows the notarizing guy by name.

she knows the fingerprinting girl by name.

they are no stranger to documentation and paperwork.

he is following up with our agency regarding our court date.

she is following up with our loan applications regarding loans and grants.

they are desperately awaiting their travel dates.

he shows his daughter's picture to everyone he meets.

she can't wait to kiss her baby girl's cheeks.

they are ready.

cinnamon toothpicks & birthdays.

When I was in kindergarten my dad drove me to school every single day.   And every single day we would chew on cinnamon toothpicks. I felt so grown up... sitting in the front seat with my dad, with a toothpick in my mouth... just like him.

 

You don't see many cinnamon toothpicks on the shelves these days.  They are apparently pretty hard to come by.  One time when I was about 5 or 6 I tried to make my very own handmade cinamon toothpicks.  I found some kind of cinamon-scented potpouri oil, and figured I could just dip a bunch of toothpicks in there and voila!  Yeah... that didn't work out so well.  I was left with red, burning lines on the sides of my mouth.  I looked like the Joker.  My parents asked what the heck I had been doing and I'm pretty sure I tried to make something up... just like when I cut my own bangs.

But I digress...

There's something about those cinnamon toothpicks that still evoke a memory for me.  And it never fails... anytime I see cinnamon toothpicks I think fondly of the times my dad drove me to school everyday... having him all to myself... just me and my daddy.  Even then, at a mere 5 years old, I knew that he didn't buy those toothpicks just for him... they were for me too.  He thought those moments were just as special as I did.  I always knew how special I was to him...

And now... nearly 27 years later, I still know.  My dad has always showered my sister and I with a selfless love that I am forever grateful for.  He loves and supports me and Lance in so many ways.  He loves my husband as his own son, and that simple act warms my heart to the very core.  He adores his future granddaughter as if he has known her from the very beginning... he spends hours before and after work each day making the most beautiful creations to donate to our adoption fund... just to help bring our baby girl home that much faster.  I get simply giddy with anticipation knowing that our baby girl will have the most amazing Papa ever.

Dad- happy birthday.  Thanks for being the most incredible father a girl could ever ask for.  I am forever grateful for all you have done and continue to do.  And thanks for the cinnamon toothpicks.  I love you.  

black family reunion 2013

Last weekend Lance and I traveled to Georgia for the annual Black Family Reunion.  And this family doesn't mess around when it comes to reunions.  It is seeped in tradition, laughter, food, and fun.  I look forward to it every year.  Lance's family has a knack for making anyone feel loved and welcomed.... college roommates, childhood friends, girlfriends, boyfriends, fiancés, and all of us in-laws (or out-laws, rather:) 

There are so many things that I love about these reunions... but here are some of my favorites...

1) tradition...

Lance's family started this reunion in 1988... one year after Nanny Black passed away.  Lance's dad was 1 of 8 siblings and after Nanny passed away they wanted to make sure they carried on the tradition of family year after year, no matter how many miles or much time passed by.  This year marked the 25th Black Family Reunion... and I think we had a grand total of 70 people this year.  Told you.  This is serious stuff.

2) golf tourney.

Every year a big group heads out to the golf course on Saturday... teams are strategically selected the night before, and the previous year's winning team gets to defend their title.  And every year one team wins the trophy and another team "wins" the cow patty.  This is serious business people.

 3) pool time.

While all the golfers are out sweatin' it up on the green, the rest of us spend the day lounging by the pool.  The pool festivities includes magazine reading, an intense diving board competition, crazy pool games, and lots of finger foods.  

4) food. food. food.

Speaking of food... Did I mention that we eat a little bit at these reunions?  It feels like this is all we do... and I'm not complaining.  A reunion in Georgia means awesome southern home-cooked food all.weekend.long.

 5) pictures.

We take a few pictures over the weekend.  Just a couple.  None of which are incriminating... none.

6) cookies.

As in "face the cookie."  We play ridiculous games on Saturday night... one of which is the infamous "Minute to Win it" game, "face the cookie." My sister-in-law is a pro at this game... obviously. 

7) sister-in-laws

Speaking of sister-in-laws.. I love these girls.  Lance is extremely close to both of his brothers and I am so thankful to have these two girls as my sisters:)  All six of of us went to college together in Troy, so our friendships started even before our marriages.

 8) memories.

Reunions are all about memories... remembering old ones and making new ones... and sometimes digging memories out of the depths of your high school glory days:)  Before we left we went through Lance's mom's garage looking for some stuff we never moved with us to Kentucky... and lo' and behold... looky what we uncovered... ALL 3 of the boys high school jerseys.  And even more amazing is that they all still fit... not sure if they could fit pads under there though...

 9) spoon game.

Aka, the-most-hilarious-game-I've-ever-witnessed-in-my-entire-life-game.  Seriously... hilarious.  Most of my pictures from this game are far too incriminating to post online, if that tells you anything.  If you're still dying to know more, I explained things in a little more detail in last year's reunion post.  Just take my word for it... hysterical. 

 10) these goobers.

These two little munchkins are one of my favorite parts of these trips, hands down.  Our nieces Jocelyn and Gabbie keep us in stitches... and they are beyond excited about their new baby cousin and keep asking if she's home yet:)  I love it.

Packing up is always our least favorite part... but it always helps when you have good help:)  The girls made sure everything was securely fastened for our ride home.  Another reunion for the books.  Can't wait until next year!