love at first sight {uganda, part 1}

In an effort to share some of our adoption story here, I've decided to write a handful of posts dedicated to our time in Uganda and our first few weeks with Zara.  These are stories that have been etched so deeply into my heart and I look forward to the day that I can recount them with Zara.  There is no possible way to fully capture the whirlwind of emotion and the depth of love that we experienced during our time in Uganda, but I'm going to give it the ol' college try...
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     Wednesday October 30, 2013

I will never forget my first car ride to Aggies Baby Home.  I could hear my heart pounding.  I nervously tapped my foot in the backseat of the van.  Lance and our driver, Patrick, were talking about something in the front seat, but for the life of me, I couldn't tell you about what.  We were going to meet our daughter today.  Our sweet baby girl.

It was really happening.  Finally.

The car ride took about 45 minutes, but felt more like hours.  I remember pulling into the orphanage... Lance reached back to squeeze my ankle in the backseat.  We were immediately greeted by one of the orphanage caregivers and 2 children.  Lance was showing Patrick how to work the video on his phone, when all of a sudden, there she was.

I immediately forgot about the video instructions and reached for Lance's hand as I took her in.  There was our sweet baby girl.  She hugged the wall as she wobbled down the hallway.  She had that same serious, wise expression in her eyes that was so familiar from all of her photos.  She was dressed in a little black, white, and orange jumper that was faded and too big for her tiny frame.  She was so much smaller than I expected her to be... a baby... my baby.

The caregiver scooped her up and handed her to me... she didn't flinch.  As my eyes welled up with tears, she simply studied me... she kept that serious expression and just took me in.  One of the caregivers wanted to give us a tour of the house, but I couldn't move.  I wanted to freeze time.  I wanted to memorize everything about this moment.

We had brought a little binkie stuffed animal to give her... we actually brought two.  We were told to have something we could give her in those first moments that we met her... but we were also told to have something we could leave with her when we left... something she could cling to when we would go back to the states before bringing her home.  That was no longer an option.  The moment we laid eyes on her, we knew that we could not leave Uganda without her.

We eventually took our tour of the orphanage... but I was in my own world... memorizing every feature of my daughter's face, taking in her smell, feeling her soft tiny curls on my cheek, holding her small hands in mine.  Lance took her hand and gently placed it on his beard... she didn't pull away... she studied it... studied him with her little fingers.  I held her practically the entire time we were there.  I couldn't bear to put her down.

I remember watching her in awe as she sat on the floor and drank an entire cup of milk in one sitting, never once letting the cup leave her lips.  She cried when it was gone... then stopped when I picked her up.  It was as if she knew already.  As if she knew how much I loved her... how much my heart ached for her... how much my arms longed to hold her.

That car ride back to the hotel was so different than the car ride there... instead of tapping my foot, I was rubbing her back... instead of hearing my own heart pounding, I only heard the soft, steady breathing of my baby girl... instead of anxiousness, I felt peace.  True peace.  The kind of peace that comes from that beautiful moment when you get a glimpse into His plan...

...and you finally see that it was absolutely perfect all along.

Oh yeah... I have a blog.

Why hello there.  

It's been a while... months actually.  But you see, recently life has shifted a bit... things look a little different around here.  Instead of blogging I've been...

 

...traveling to distant lands...

 

...singing lullabys...

 

...caressing soft cheeks...

 

...picking up toys...

 

...changing (and wearing) poopy diapers...

 

...playing dress up...

 

...eating snow...

 

...playing with Little Cat...

...celebrating birthdays...

 

...savoring every.single.second...

 

Time isn't as abundant as it used to be... sleep no longer comes freely... and it's impossible to pull out the laptop without tiny hands begging to jab at the keyboard. 

 

But I wouldn't trade it for the world. 

 

While yes, life looks entirely differently around here, I still hope to carve out a little smidgen of time to visit this space every so often.  Blogging has always been a joy for me... a way to capture special moments and memories... an idea book of creative thoughts... a place for raw, challenging vulnerability... and a capsule of real-life stories. 

 

And man, oh man, do I have stories.  Stories that I desperately hope to start sharing in the coming weeks.  And yes... most of them invlove a ridiculously adorable little girl named Zara:)

 

Stay tuned...

happy. happy.

Happiest of birthdays to our little princess.  You have forever changed our lives and will forever hold our hearts.  So incredibly thankful to be celebrating WITH you this year.

Love,

Mommy & Daddy

dear baby girl {letters from the heart}

Dear Baby Girl,

The past few weeks have been full of updates and changes.  Your daddy and I found out out that you are now living in a small baby home with about 10 other children.  This is a big change from your previous surroundings, but from the updates we've received it sounds like you are slowly adjusting to your new environment.

Knowing that you would soon be moving to a new facility has been so, so hard on your mama.  I desperately want you to be home.  But receiving a small update from the orphanage director helped me breathe a little easier...

"Gift is 8kg, and generally her health is good.  She is a nice girl who wants to be loved all the time.  She wants to always be around people.  She enjoys all the food we give her and also she likes playing with the toys so much.  She is used to the surroundings now, because the first two days she was not used to the people around her and cried some.  We are happy that she is now smiling."

Oh, sweet girl!!!  So many amazing things in that one short little update!  For starters... you're a tiny little tot (about 18 lbs)!  But you look incredibly healthy with cheeks that I can't wait to get my hands on:)  It warms my heart that you seem to be forming attachments and bonds, even amidst all the transition.  This is a big deal.  Man, how I long to see that little smile for myself soon.

We also got a new picture this week... our third one in total.  I smile every time I look at it (which is like a hundred times a day)... you are on a little tricycle... in what looks to be some kind of frilly red and green Christmas dress.  You have the deepest, most beautiful eyes... wise eyes.  I love them.  Your cheeks are ridiculously kissable and your mama can't wait to kiss every square inch of them.

Soon, baby girl... soon.

Love,

mama

dear baby girl {letters from the heart}

Dear Baby Girl,

We're getting closer!  Rumor is we could be making our first trip to Uganda as early as October!!!  That's so close!  We are still waiting to receive our confirmed court date, but we are desperately praying that the October timeframe is true.  The waiting is definitely getting harder and harder.  We are so ready to see your sweet face.

Your tiny little self has undergone quite a few transitions over the past several months.  You've changed caregivers 3 times now... Knowing this absolutely kills me.  It's not that I don't believe you are being cared for well... From what I can tell, you are very loved by everyone that meets you.  It's just that I desperately want to be on a plane with you on my lap bringing you home.  I want to be your caregiver.  Me.  Your mama.

Then I'm reminded that you've already had the best Caregiver imaginable.  The One that never leaves you.  The One that never leaves me.  And that is a good reminder baby girl.

Your daddy and I will be there soon... promise.

Love,

mama

top ten :: things i've learned through the adoption process

Top ten things we're learning from the adoption process...

1) Paperwork ain't for sissies.   For real.  No one can fully prepare you for the ridiculous amount of paperwork that is involved for the adoption process.  It's insane.  When I think "paperwork" I think, you know... just sit down and write out your full name and address a handful of times... But nooooo... it's more like get 7 notarized copies of this... and 7 notarized copies of that... and a local background check... a state background check... a federal background check... get your birth certificates... get your marriage license... answer a billion personal questions... get a reference letter... then another one... seriously... this is some serious paperwork.

2) Fingerprinting should be a sport.  There is an art to getting your fingerprints taken.  No, really... it's not as easy as it sounds.  If fingerprinting were a sport, Lance would be on the varsity team and I'm pretty sure I would have been cut altogether.  Basically, for every one time that Lance got his fingerprints done, I had to do mine twice.

3) Memorize your adoption agency's address.  This will be extremely helpful when you're rushing to the UPS store (again) to mail another pile of paperwork off and you forgot the little sticky note with your agency's mailing address.  Don't worry, by the 4th time, you'll probably have it memorized anyways.

4) Make friends at the post office.  ...or the UPS store, or FedEx, or whatever.  Learn their names... they will become some of your best friends during this process.  We have received some very kind discounts because of this.  Typically after we've notarized the 30th document or had our fingerprints done the 3rd time, they start to feel sorry for us:)  But more than that... they care.  They are excited about our adoption... they want to meet our baby girl... the one they've helped bring home in a small way.

5) Don't get attached to timelines.  This has been hard.  I desperately want to know exactly when our baby girl will be home.  I want to believe our agency when they tell us our first trip will be soon.  I want to believe the Ugandan court system almost has our court date ready.  But the truth is, I don't know.  And the waiting is already hard enough.  We have learned to hold these dates and timelines with a very loose grip.

6) Do get attached to your baby.  While we've been trying our best to not get too attached to timelines, we have done quite the opposite with our baby girl.  We were pretty much done for the moment we saw her little face back in June.  Her sweet picture instantly captured our hearts.  We tried our best to guard ourselves early on... but it became practically impossible as time went on.  And I think that's okay.  She's our girl... and we love her.  We're attached.  Done for.

7) Listen.  There were several times during this process that Lance and I had to step back and re-evaluate.  We were/are constantly seeking guidance from the Holy Spirit... listening to God's quiet promptings.  Plans changed... we went from Haiti to Uganda... from multiple children to one... all decisions that at one point we felt very confident about, but God had different plans... and I'm so glad we listened.

8) Let others be a part of it all.  We have been so amazed at the outpouring of love and support that we have received over the past several months.  We have received letters and encouragement from friends and family both near and far... some that we talk to everyday and others that we haven't spoken to in years... and some that we've never even met before.  It's been an incredibly humbling experience.  We have been brought to tears on more than one occasion and are in awe at how our little girl has already managed to capture the hearts of so many.

9) Pray together.  I would be lying if I said this process hasn't been hard.  Our emotions have been all over the place and we've been frustrated more than once.  This has been a physically, emotionally and spiritually draining process.  But man, am I so thankful for Lance.  I cannot think of anyone I would rather make this journey with.  Throughout this adoption process we have been constantly reminded of our great need for Jesus, which I'm sure will only magnify as we step into parenthood.

10) Persevere. We continue to push ahead.  Hopefully we're done with fingerprinting and notarizing... but I expect we are really just at the beginning of a whole other journey.  And we can't wait.

he & she {adoption edition}

he is putting together the crib and dresser for baby girl's room.

she is picking out paint colors and fabric swatches for baby girl's room.

they are anxious to actually have baby girl in baby girl's room:)

he is preparing to be out-numbered in his own house.

she is buying shoes in 2 different sizes now:)

he is updating and managing the coffee fundraising.

she is creating and posting jewelry for the Etsy fundraising.

they continue to be amazed by the generous love and support that has come in from family and friends.

he knows the notarizing guy by name.

she knows the fingerprinting girl by name.

they are no stranger to documentation and paperwork.

he is following up with our agency regarding our court date.

she is following up with our loan applications regarding loans and grants.

they are desperately awaiting their travel dates.

he shows his daughter's picture to everyone he meets.

she can't wait to kiss her baby girl's cheeks.

they are ready.

dear baby girl {letters from the heart}

Dear baby girl,

This week your daddy and I got our immunization shots for Uganda.  Your daddy had to get 4 shots, and mama had to get 6... 3 in one arm and 3 in the other.  And I'll just be honest... your mama has never been a big fan of shots and needles... but for you... anything.  I would get a thousand shots if it brought me that much closer to bringing you home sweet girl.

Your daddy put together the crib that Gigi and Hayhay got you... and it's beautiful.  Seeing that crib up in your room fills my heart with gladness.  I long for the mornings that we greet one another in that very room, with you in that very crib.  Who knows how long you'll tolerate a crib though... rumor has it you're already walking!  I can't wait to chase you around this house:)

Everyday we anticipate meeting you... holding you... protecting you... We can hardly stand the distance and continue to hope and pray that we will travel soon.  It's true what they say... the waiting really is the hardest part.  Hurry home sweet girl, hurry home.

Love,

mama

embracing august {monthly goals}

First of all... can you freakin' believe it's already AUGUST?!?!  I know... me either.

That being said... I also I'm pretty impressed that I've kept up with this whole month goal thing so far this year...  this definitely seems to be the best fit for me.  I like the idea of having just a small handful of things to focus on each month... and I like that if I fail epicly on some of my goals, I can simply move on the next month.  No hard feelings.  I might repeat those same goals the next month... or I might not.  It's a no-pressure relationship... me and my goals.   Nevertheless... here is how I'll be embracing the month of August...

fundraise. fundraise. fundraise.

I apologize to those of you who follow me on Facebook or Instagram and are constantly bombarded with my shameless attempts to corral you to our Etsy shop or our new coffee fundraiser.  Okay, okay... that was a weak attempt of an apology... because really that was just another subliminal message to get you shopping.  I mean... you probably want to go check both sites out right now... you know... do a little browsing... a little buying... a little help-lance-and-julia-bring-home-their-baby-girl-shopping....

finish // photo editing.
I have majorly slowed down my photography gig for a while... I've stopped taking wedding bookings for a bit so I can adjust to my new job and focus on adoption stuff.  But even though the photography calendar is clear for a little while... my editing to-do list is not.  I am hoping to finish editing some mini-sessions this week.  This is a big goal considering it's a busy work week as well... but I desperately want to get these sessions out the door.  Photos in hand = happy clients!!

find time // to create.

I couldn't even tell you the last time I actually sat down to do something creative... (spray painting doesn't count).  I desperately need to get some creative time this month.  I would love, love, love to catch up on some scrapbooking... perhaps make some more jewelry for the Etsy shop... or maybe even work on some fun projects for baby girl's room...  The goal is to create something... anything.

fixate on // truth.

Last month one of my goals was to memorize scripture.  I didn't do so great on that one.  So I'm going to give it another go this month.  I want to fill my mind and heart with truth.  I see the need for this even more as I so easily am pulled into the "what ifs" of adoption.  When my mind is consumed with fear and worry, I want His truth to shine through... to push through the webs of lies and fear so that I can only hear His faithful promises.

What about you?  What are you focusing on this month?

In case you're interested... or super bored at work... here are my previous monthly goals: January, February, March, April, May, June, and July.

dear baby girl {letters from the heart}

Dear baby girl,

 

The past few weeks were filled with appointments and new information... TB tests and fingerprints... more paperwork and more notarizing... the whole process seems to be never-ending, but each step puts us closer and closer to bringing you home... and that, sweet girl, is awesome.

 

Last week we learned some new information about your living situation.  It wasn't necessarily good or bad information...just new.  This was your mama's first real test in motherhood... I suddenly felt so small and inadequate to care for such a precious gift as yourself. I suspect that this feeling will only magnify as I learn to mother and care for you everyday. 

 

My daily prayers for your care and protection have quickly turned into desperate pleas.  While I fret and worry about your every moment, God gently reminds me that He is your true Protector.  He has been faithful to protect and care for you up utnil now, just as He will be faithful to care and protect you in the days to come. 

 

Your daddy and I have picked out your nursery furniture and I find myself daydreaming about greeting you every morning in your new crib... scooping you up in your footed pjs and carrying you downstairs... snuggling for morning cartoons... giggling as we make heart-shaped pancakes... The idea of it all makes my heart burst with joy. 

 

This weekend your daddy and I are driving to Georgia for daddy's family reunion... I can't wait for you to meet all of these people that already love you so much... they are dying to give you hugs and kisses, as are all of mama's family.  You are already one very loved little girl. 

 

Hurry home princess.

 

xoxo,

mama

top ten :: nursery favorites

Confession: I've been pinning nursery ideas like crazy lately.  If you follow me on Pinterest, you're probably completely over all of my navy and pink pins.  Yeah... sorry about that.  Here are a few of my favorite nursery looks right now...

1) classic wainscoting walls

2) pink & gold triangles 

3) shabby fabric pennant

4) navy herringbone 

4) seafoam gallery walls 

 5) rustic grey panelling 

6) twiggy fabric birds

7) double trouble

8) white plank walls

9) yellow & grey

10) floral statement wall

Any of these strike your fancy??  I'm kind of obsessed with all of them.  Linking up this week with Angie at Many Little Blessings.

weekend festivities {babies & rock'n'roll}

This past weekend was spectacular.  It was filled with productivity and spontaneity all in one... 

Friday night I finally got to meet sweet baby Rowan... and he did not disappoint.  He is simply precious.  Now... if I can just convince his mama and daddy to not move away to France this year...

On Saturday Lance and I made a last minute decision to head over to Louisville's own music festival, Forecastle... and we were SO glad we did.  So many great bands all in one place.  

We listened to Mona, The Alabama Shakes, Joy Formidable, Matt & Kim, and The Black Keys.  I've always been a fan of Joy Formidable, and the lead singer is perfection.  She's this tiny little thing with an incredible voice... and she smashed her guitar at the end of the concert... which was totally awesome.

Then we headed over to the Red Bull stage for Matt & Kim.  BEST.LIVE.SHOW.EVER.  They were incredibly entertaining.  Lance and I have both been fans of their music for a while now... but after seeing them live, I'm slightly obsessed.  And Kim's the drummer... which makes her a badass in my book.  So, so good.

Forecastle is hosted every year at the Waterfront in Louisville... and Saturday's weather provided the absolute best backdrop ever.  We had a stunning sunset overlooking the Ohio River... gorgeous.

We had a relaxing Sunday morning with fresh eggs and veggies... oh, and some burnt breakfast sausage patties... oops.  Good thing the eggs tasted good:)

Then, probably the highlight of our weekend was adoption paperwork.  For any of you that have been following along in our adoption journey know that I've shed more than a few tears over the amount of adoption paperwork we have.  It's insane.  But we are so, so close.  Yesterday we met with a friend's mom who agreed to notarize all of our documents... and she did... all.bleepin'.ninty-six.of.them.  I kid you not.  That was not an over exaggeration.  We notarized 96 documents yesterday.  But, good news... we are mailing out our dossier this week!!!!

So yes.  All in all I'd say we had an absolutely spectacular weekend.

How about you??

dear baby girl {letters from the heart}

Dear baby girl,

We are still anxiously awaiting the day we will get to fly on a plane to meet you.  Everyday we get just a little bit closer.

Today your daddy and I went to the doctor for a general check up and blood tests, which is one of our final requirements for our paperwork.  Typically your mama is not a fan of needles or blood work... but today, I didn't flinch.  Your sweet little face is quite the motivator.

The doctor we visited today was completely new to us.  Up until now, we really haven't had a primary physician in Louisville.  We didn't know a thing about him, except that he was less than a mile from the house and could schedule our appointment within a week of calling.  We arrived at the doctor's office only to find out that Dr. Gray travels to Uganda every.single.year.  I know, right?  He goes with his church once a year for medical missions and to help with other various needs.  I found myself almost in tears this morning as I showed your photo to some of the nurses and front desk girls.  They ooooed and ahhhhed over your cuteness (as everyone does) and my heart almost burst with joy.  I love how God continues to remind me time and time again that He has planned our little family long before we did.

Your daddy and I still talk about you endlessly everyday.  We often stay up late into the night talking about what we think you will be like as we share our prayers and dreams for you.  We talk about learning to do your hair... how spoiled you will be by your grandparents... how we can't wait to snuggle with you on the couch... how your mama will need to learn how to cook... how adorable you're going to be in footed pajamas... We have even decided on your name.  I think it fits you well.  It's beautiful and strong... just as you are.

I love you sweet girl... hurry home.

xoxo,

mama

top ten :: things you should buy from our etsy shop

This is an incredibly shameless plug of a post.  The entire plan being that you will see all of this amazingly awesome stuff and head directly over to the Etsy shop and purchase everything.

Absolutely everything.  

We have lots of handmade jewelry posted... and then my incredibly talented father has posted some of his gorgeous woodwork as well.  You'll find beaded necklaces, earrings, bracelets with meaning, one-of-a-kind wooden bowls, incredibly cool writing pens, and much, much more.

But the best part??

Every single penny goes to towards bringing home our sweet baby girl.  For any of you that have adopted or know a family that has gone through the adoption process know how insanely expensive the adoption journey can be.

Therefore... the shop.  

So, without further adieu... here are the top 10 things from our Etsy shop that you should go check out... (and then immediately put in your shopping cart:)

1) Princess Agatha Fire Agate Earrings ($20.00)

These earrings combine stunning fire agate stones with swarovski crystals... and look amazing with the Princess Agatha necklace.

2) Color Explosion Texas Live Oak Wood Bowl ($79.99)

This is one of my favorite bowls that my dad has made... I love how the dyed wood resembles the deep blue of the ocean.

3) Red & Black Beaded Bracelet ($58.00)

This simple beaded bracelet makes a bold statement.  The cut of the red and black stones catches the light just right and creates the perfect amount of sparkle.

4) Napa Valley Wine Cork Keychain Pill Holder ($39.99)

How cool is this?  What seems to be an unassuming key chain actually unscrews to reveal a small compartment that is the perfect size for your daily pills, or emergency advil.  Brilliant.

5) Cord of Three Bracelet Set ($32.00)

This set is probably my all-time personal favorite of jewelry that I've created.  The set includes a small card that has the scripture verse Ecclesiastes 4:12 (Though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves, but a cord of three strands is not easily broken.)  I have always loved this verse and how it reminds me to keep God in the center of all my relationships.  And there are matching earrings!

6) Texas Honey Mesquite Hand-Turned Vase ($89.99)

This gorgeous piece boasts a genuine turquoise inlay that adds just the right amount of detail.  This vase would look amazing on your coffee table or office desk.

7) Gold & Green Paige Necklace ($72.00)

The color combination on this necklace makes a powerful statement.  The natural green stones bring the perfect balance to all of the gold and sparkle.  Looks great paired with the Paige Trio Earrings. 

8) 30 Caliber Bolt Action Pen with Redwood Burl ($52.99)

My dad makes a ton of cool pens, but this one is one of my favorites.  It has an "artillery-type" release and a riffle pen clip that makes this the perfect gift for any hunters on your list.

9) Life of Christ Story Bracelet ($32.00)

This colorful bracelet tells the story of Christ... each bead and stone represents a different portion of Jesus' life and death.  The three larger stones represent the 3 Wise Men and come in green, blue or pink.

10) Maple Bowl Natural & Hand Painted Marble Effects ($110.00)

This gorgeous bowl was featured in the 2012 Woodworkers International Calendar.  Yeah... my dad is pretty dang awesome.  The underside and the rim of this bowl were hand-painted to create the effect of granite or marble.  Love this piece.

So.  There you have it.  My top 10 recommendations for what you should be buying in our Etsy shop:) A big, big THANK YOU to all who have already purchased!!  Every item brings us closer to bringing our sweet baby girl home from Uganda.

You can also make tax-deductible donations through Helping Hands.  Simply select "ADOPTION" as your project category, then choose "BLACK, LANCE and JULIA" as your project. 

It would also be totally rad if you would share this info on your own blog (facebook, instagram, twitter... or whatever your social media of choice is:)  

Linking up with Many Little Blessings today!!