Tuesday, February 19, 2013

dear diary :: i hate change {or the shoebox theory}

Dear Diary,

Change.  It's been this recurring theme in our lives for quite some time now.  Some big changes... and some small changes.  Some that I've shared about on this blog (here and here)... and some that I have not.  Some exciting changes... and some scary changes.  Some that were expected.... and some, not-so-much.

And just when it seems that the dust is beginning to settle from one change or another, something else... well, changes.

I'm calling it the shoebox theory.  Imagine life in a cute little shoebox... with all of your things just like you want them... everything in its place... all tucked away, safe and sound.  Then someone picks up that shoebox and turns it one way... and then another... shakes it around a bit and then puts it back... upside down.  And just when you thought you had picked up most of the pieces and rearranged your little shoebox back to normal... wouldn't you know it, someone picked up that damn shoebox again.

That's the thing about change... you can never really prepare for it.  Which is probably why I hate it so much.  I prefer to be prepared. 

But it doesn't always work that way.  Our most recent bout with change has left me feeling anything but prepared.  It's as if the entire lid to our shoebox is missing.  Well, shit.  Now what?

And that's when He does it again.  That small gentle reminder.  Trust me.  

Then I hear my sad, pitiful replies... Well, I would if I still had the lid to my shoebox... I would if you would just do ____... I would if you would just give me ____... I would if you just didn't take ____... would, would, would... if, if, if...

Why is my trust so conditional... when God's love is so unconditional?

Welp... maybe God didn't design me to live in a shoebox?  Maybe He was the one that took the lid to my shoebox?  Simply trying to show me that He is offering me so.much.more. than that stupid shoebox will ever be able to provide.  And sure... it will be scary outside the confines of that little shoebox... but the truth is, I am much safer in His hands than I will ever be in that damn shoebox.  But why is it so hard to remember that? 

"The Lord gives and the Lord takes away.  May the name of the Lord be blessed!"
     -Job 1:21

7 comments:

Steve Finnell said...

you are invited to follow my blog

hillary c. said...

I love you friend. Shoeboxes are for losers. I mean. They are so BORING. Love this post. Hugs.

Lori Poppinga said...

I was just going to say what Hillary said~Throw the damned shoebox away! Embrace the change! While it is not always comfortable, it is oftne exciting and always so much more than we would imagine (i mean how much can one really fit into a shoebox?) :)
Keep up the God work.

mleslie43 said...

Great analogy from your friend Lori. I like that God has more for us that can fit into a shoe box. He has the sky with no limits and I know that is what God has for you and Lance! Love you both!

Karen said...

You are a gifted writer--I love reading your blog! The best of your blog is your total honesty and when you wrote...

"Trust me" You are right! He IS calling you to trust Him in the small and big things--either way, He is a good and gracious God who loves you and will never leave you!

"Why is my trust so conditional...when God's love is so unconditional?" My heart thoughts too some days....

I love you and praise God that you love Him...and you are trusting Him...

Flossie said...

Just wanted to let you know I got a weird looking email that said it was from you. It was just a website. Do you think maybe you've been hacked?

ThistleAshD said...

I constantly struggle with the same thing. I want to know things are going to work out ok without having to trust that they will. My only comfort comes from remembering all the ways He already has worked things out. Usually gives me the faith boost I need :) Good luck friend.