Wednesday, November 9, 2011

dear diary :: redemption

Dear Diary,

This past weekend Lance and I attended a super-intense-but-absolutely-amazing counseling training at our church. It is called Redemption Groups, and attending Redemption Groups was a requirement for us to continue on with some of the counseling training we have already received. But here's the thing... while, yes, we were "trained" to better listen to and counsel others... we were full-blown participants at Redemption Groups.

Initially, my pride and self-righteousness were on high alert, telling myself, "I don't need this. I don't need to be 'redeemed.' I've got things under control. I'm good right now, God... I'll let you know if I need you." I had my walls of protection, control and fake confidence built high around me.

Well, those walls came crumbling down pretty quick.

As I sat in a room with 6 other women, that for the most part were complete strangers to me, I slowly began to unravel. But in a good way. I began to realize that my wall of protection was actually a wall of hiding. My desire for control was really just a weak attempt at playing God. And my fake confidence wasn't fooling anybody.

Redemption. Interesting word, that redemption. "Redemption" is defined as "freedom from what distresses or harms: to free from captivity by payment of ransom."

And thankfully, Christ has already paid my ransom.

He has redeemed me from my walls of hiding and self-righteousness. He has given me His confidence, so I don't have to pretend with my own. He has given me true life and true freedom. He is committed to me... no matter how many times I fail him with my selfishness, He keeps coming back. And for that, I am truly grateful.



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The enchanted home said...

Hey Julia, powerful post. Amazing how we can start such experiences with such bravado and how as you said those walls come crumbling down mighty fast, huh? Sounds like it was humbling but amazing and reenergizing for you. Thank you for sharing. God really is amazing.

Daphney said...

You gave me goosebumps! Thank you for your wonderful blog.

hill said...

beautiful words. thank you for always being so open and vulnerable and for sharing your heart.

Stacie Jean said...

So powerful and beautiful post. Thank you for being such an inspiration dear friend. xox SJ

Jennifer Dawn McLucas said...

I love your Diary posts, Julia. You're authentic in a very inspirational way. I admire the wisdom of your words. Thanks for accepting my invitation.